Forever alone

One day a friend made me realised my insecurities abt losing a close friend, such that out of jealousy, I behave childishly to hurt my friend.

It's hard to come to terms that some friends who I see as bff, who i thought will nv leave my side will eventually grow closer with someone else, will eventually thought of that someone before me, will eventually love happily ever after with that someone and then I am still forever alone.

But it doesn't means that I meant less to that person. Or my bff treasure me lesser. Perhaps all along I am getting 90%, but the special someone gets 98%, so I feel like a 60%.

Don't let my insecurities hurt my friendship, I learnt and realised. It's hard to control though but perhaps it's another stage of growing up. I realised that eventually I am alone to face this world. I have to be brave. And i want to live happily even by myself. 

It's hard to be at peace with myself. I am quite reliant on friends and I even cried once when I was left to wait for someone for 1-2hours. Because I am afraid to be alone. And that is when I realised my weakness. 

I am afraid of loneliness. 

So I tried to overcome it. To have lunch by myself, to always have alone time for myself, to train to be alone, to train to be independent. Then i realised the reason behind my fears.

I am afraid of loneliness because I am not confident of myself.

So now, it's back. I need to have confidence in myself. I need to believe that I will be happy even if I am alone.

Recently, there was a period of time when i was thinking, oh man I am so old, I need to faster get a man to get married. Just a decent person will do. But after that I realised, I would rather be alone than to be with someone who I cannot agree with, who I cannot look up to. So then I thought, that is my std. A wiser man. Then recently a fren got married hastily and I rmb I always wanted to have a lightning marriage. One that when we are touring in U.S. we decided to drive to Vegas to register. To cosplay in wedding shots. I want to have someone adventurous or at least up to my game. So another standard. 

In conclusion, Wise but crazy. 

I think I will be forever alone. Haha

Don't take it personally

Feeling down recently and can't seem to find the root of the problem.

Somehow after chatting with my best secret sharing pal, I found that I have been overly attached and taking things too personally.

Well, I need to take a step back and free up my horizons. Sometimes I get overly obsessed without me knowing. 

Thankful to have a friend who enlightens me :)

Good night.

Goodbye Mr Lee kuan yew 230315

I didn't know that I would be feeling so sad. I suppose subconsciously we have a piece of him in our hearts because we live in the beautiful and successful nation that he has built with his life.

He is part and parcel of every Singaporean's life. From the country's infrastructure, the education that we receive, the place we live in, the multiracial society, the water we drink, to the trees that produce the air that we breathe and many many other things that contributes to our current safe, stable and prosperous society, I am very grateful to have him as the builder and the leader of the place where I am born in.

He feels like a fatherly figure who, though is distant, but we know we can depend on him and we get assurance from his presence. He is a person who we respect and idolize.

Thank you and Goodbye Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

May you rest in peace. We will stay strong and strive hard to continue on with your ideals to keep Singapore exceptional and successful for many years to come.

Seeking love

When seeking love, it can be a tussle between choosing who we like and who we think we deserve.

By choosing who we think we deserve we deemed ourselves as having 自知之明. By choosing what we want regardless, we see ourselves as 不要脸

Why not have some courage, choose who we want, instead of who we think we deserve, cos we deserve more than what we think.

Bee

Was on the mrt when someone beside me told me that there's a bee behind me.. immediately changed my seat to opposite.

Looking at the bee constantly flying and crawling on the window where sunlight comes from, i guess the bee wanna get out of the train.

I cannot help but feel worried for the bee.. it will either be killed, starved to death or it will finally find its way out, but how will it find its way back to its home again after travelling so far via mrt?

I am unwilling to help it out cos I am scare that it will sting me. I can only hope the best for it.

I Siam the bee despite knowing that bee don't attack human easily.. well, fear factor > General knowledge

Bus

Just when you feel frustrated that this bendy bus came full when the bus stop u are at is crowded with people, another empty bus came and you wonder why u waste time feeling the frustration..

It's the same in life, but the interval may be longer.. frustrations in life will eventually be solved (hopefully) and you will gradually forget the reason for ur anger and despair...

So don't let those negative feelings spoil any moments in your life.

Live happily ever after :)

Gym

Had some reflections...

I used to be unable to finish the tricep dips portion in body pump

Now I can do it with a 5kg weight

And even with a 10kg loaded smart bar!

Proud of my achievement :)